CITY OF LYNN HITS LOTTERY

This JACKPOT will be split evenly among all students in the LPS schools. Teachers have been instructed to put the winning share in their students backpacks on the Friday before winterbreak.

The winnings from this latest edition of the MASS MULTI-MILLIONS game is called POWERBILL and each student will receive an invoice for $1000 to make up for the city's shortfall for state mandated education spending.

ALL QUESTIONS MAY DIRECTED TO THE MAYOR'S OFFICE!

PBS SHOW TO BE SET IN LYNN

Tracy school to be featured next season on THIS OLD HOUSE. The school will be featured next fall as part of a new crossover event with ANTIQUES ROADSHOW. This just another example of the MAYOR'S efforts to bring HOLLYWOOD to LYNN.

PAYMENT FOR SCHOOL COMMITTEE MEMBERS TO BE PRO-RATED

In an effort to ease the city's financial worries, the MAYOR has issued an official proclamation that members of the LYNN SCHOOL COMMITTEE will no longer be paid for cancelled meetings. The only exception will be made for the chairperson of the committee which just happens to be her. The savings are to be put in a slush fund for office redecoration.

SERVING IT UP!

As a result of an intensive and thorough investigation I have determined the reason for the nearly doubling of the Mayor's salary despite the deficits in school spending. Apparently because of her poultry (I mean paltry) salary she had been forced to open a FRIED CHICKEN stand on Chestnut Ave. And unlike the deceased COLONEL SAUNDERS, she doesn't have a military pension to fall back on.

To be honest, I did sort of pluck these facts out of thin air.

REASON REVEALED

Having spoken once again with my secret sources I have found out unequicvoably why the FORD SCHOOL garden was destroyed. The alleged "BEANSTALK BANDIT" was looking for"MAGIC BEANS" and the bulldozer was thought to be the best for excavating, leaving no stone unturned.

Of course there were some casualties but the kids are strong. They'll grow out of it.

FORD FACING FORECLOSURE

There are plans in the works to convert what was once the INTERNATIONAL GARDEN at FORD SCHOOL into a MEMORIAL cemetery for nobody special. My secret source requested anonymity for fear he or she would end up there. The garden plots will be replaced by burial plots.

Services will be held to be held to commemorate past efforts to involve the community in the education of their kids cause after all the current administration know what's best for you. Attendance is expected to be light for fear of retribution.

Selected items will be placed in a time-capsule with a flip-top lid so history can properly be rewritten.

GETTING OVER TO THE RAINBOW

In a brief statement issued by the DESE students who identify themselves as LBGT will no longer be required to take the MCAS. In a related story the weather forecast is calling for an increased likely hood of rainbows appearing at the local high schools to avoid graduation requirements.

THE IDE'S HAVE IT

And I'm not talking about March either. Although like JULIUS CAESAR in SHAKESPEARE, CHUCK was stabbed in the back at the last LSC meeting. No we are talking about a battle between suicIDE or genocIDE.

Residents will get to choose the manner of their demise from two offered competing plans. First we have the MAYOR serving up suicIDE by charging all kamikaze-like straight toward the DESE and their NET SCHOOL SPENDING requirements. I mean it's a matter of HONOR. Why should LYNN have to HONOR its obligations to its youngest residents. Face it school age kids don't vote. A state take-over really wouldn't be that bad.

OR

They could follow CHUCK'S plan. Now this would involve genocIDE, an ethnic cleansing of sorts. This would involve exterminating that minority race called taxpayers. Proceeding with the needed wish-list would surely hasten their demise from the resulting overburden. The result would see a purity never before seen in these crumbling school buildings.

FRIDAY AFTER NEXT

The battle for BUDGETARY CONTROL is the latest saga to be played out on the GAME OF THRONES, LPS EDITION. Just who will be occupying the QUEEN'S place at FANTASY ISLAND has yet to be determined. The big reveal is set for FRIDAY when the numbers for the actual money available to the school department will be introduced.

It is expected to me met with lots of bloodshed due to all the cutting and slashing on the city side of the budget. The real worry is whether or not the remaining crumbs will be enough to satisfy the hungry school committee members. In reality any possible opposition was severely and chronically weaken when the opposition leader was stabbed in the back by a majority of his kin in a viscous cannibalistic, fiscal ritual.

The victim's strong belief in a higher power residing in the capital may result into a state mandated resurrection catapulting this political warrior to an ascension to the top seat in the isle's government.

ETHICS CHARGES TO BE BROUGHT AGAINST GALLO

Due to an obvious CONFLICT OF INTEREST the MAYOR today will file formal charges against outgoing LSC member CHUCK. According to UNNAMED sources the details of the indiscretion are as follows:

"On or about APRIL 30, 2015, ATTORNEY CHUCK hereby set forth a process whereby LPS was commissioned to construct a fantasy budget meeting state mandated minimums which if became a reality would bankrupt the city putting mine and all LYNN CITY COUNCILMEN'S raises in a GRAVE and PERILOUS position. It would seem that MR. CHUCK is vacating his position on the LSC to devote full time to his newly opened legal practice specializing in ESTATE MANAGEMENT.

It would seem that the death of the government of the city of LYNN would give him an unreasonable competitive advantage in all future litigation wherein. I have chosen not to file this complaint with the state ETHICS COMMISSION but rather with the BAR because it is a venue I am familiar with."

Due to the fact a GAG ORDER is in place while the investigation takes place both sides were not sought for comment. Besides I wouldn't want anyone to dispute my imagination.

STATE TO ASSUME CONTROL OF SCHOOLS NEXT WEEK

A joint task force of official from the OBAMA administration and the state DESE staged a special ops raid on the BENNETT STREET complex to set-up a command and control operation that would allow them to efficiently invade the satellite schools in order that a particular propaganda was proficiently promulgated.

A source deeply embedded in the federal arm of the operation credited the earlier training gained from the JADE HELM 15 operation in Texas for allowing this to be a casualty free mission. It was previously determined from earlier reconnaissance that LPS was particularly vulnerable to take-over thanks to the MAYOR's refusal to adhere to legally mandated funding requirements.

 Teacher's will be herded into the local WALMART, issue camouflage covered #2 pencils and retrained on how to instruct their students to convince their parents and other voting-age adults not to re-elect such an anti-education administration that is so beholden to special interest groups that she is willing to sacrifice the future.

PASSING ON HIS PASSING

It saddens me to report the sudden political death of a great friend of us here at the WATCH. Of course I am talking about CHUCK. The CITY CORONER (who is employed by the MAYOR by the way) ruled his death an apparent suicide from SELF-INFLICTED stab wounds in the back.

His passing must have sent shock waves through the LSC. a memorial wake will be held down by the dumpster behind DREWICZ but no one is expected to attend because the MAYOR has eyes everywhere.

Remember the JANITORS are employed by the city and NOT LPS!

However on a good note there is a slight chance for CHUCK'S resurrection if and when the MAYOR is ARRESTED for fiscal malfeasance and neglect of her fiduciary responsibilities in regards to the schools.

BREAKING NEWS! - ATTORNEY GENERAL TO SEEK INDICTMENT OF MAYOR!

A spokesperson from AG Healy's office reported the following:

Due to Mayor Kennedy of Lynn's belligerent and wanton disregard for the NET SCHOOL SPENDING formula an indictment against her in regards to CHRONIC underfunding of the LYNN PUBLIC SCHOOL system will be sought.

In a related story it was also reported that LSC member CHUCK was arrested for PUBLIC INTOXICATION and flagged fifteen yards for excessive celebration.

LPS'S OWN DEFLATEGATE

Fresh off a thorough and unbiased investigation, the details of which are chronicled in the WOTRING REPORT, it has been determined that ATTORNEY CHUCK more probably than not had an ulterior motive in getting the LPS administration to devise a proposed budget that included the wishes, AKA needs, of fellow committee members. It is also further found that whereas CHUCK was generally aware of the budgetary protocol and procedure whereas the MAYOR provides DR. LATHAM with a figure that indicates the amount of cash available from the city budget to fulfill its NET SCHOOL SPENDING obligations.

Since the MAYOR was not present when this proposal was made this further leads us to conclude that the TRUE intention of this action was to impinge the INTEGRITY of the MAYOR thereby deflating her presumed popularity with the voting population as evidenced by the last general election. This move was most likely coordinated with the upcoming CITY COUNCIL election designed to get more favorable candidates to ATTORNEY GALLO a competitive advantage in the upcoming election.

These candidates when elected would in turn work to stall any progress set forth by the MAYOR. Once the MAYOR'S popularity was sufficiently damaged then ATTORNEY GALLO would be perfectly positioned to successfully challenge the MAYOR in an upcoming election.

Granted I have no actual evidence to justify these accusations in a court of law but as we have learned by previous reports, the only ruling that really matters comes from the court of public opinion, all circumstancial and happenstancelike.